Tuesday, December 31, 2013

Wishing Steve Byers a Very Happy Birthday

Usually, I avoid singing in public. Singing is NOT my forte. Today though, I've made an exception for Steve Byers' birthday. 

Steve--if you're reading this, remember that question I asked you about your stance on mediocre karaoke :)

Anyway, I wrote an, I'm certain never-to-be-produced music video for Steve.  It's to the tune of "I'm a Survivor" as I had the Alvin & the Chipmunks version of the song stuck in my head while creating lyrics.

At the end of this post is a "script sheet" listing lyrics, camera notes, & stage directions for what is in my head for all the stuff I couldn't show in the video I put together.

I figured it'd be hard to imagine how the lyrics went with the melody though, so I broke my long-standing tradition of NOT being recorded singing and went out on a limb to try and make Steve laugh on his birthday.

So, without further ado, Happy Birthday Steve! Here is a video mock-up, but please check out the "script" & associated notes below as well  :) 

To the tune of “I’m a Survivor”

Verse 1:
*Steve is standing at the railing of a large ship looking out over the ocean at night, singing*

For my birthday
I just want a dragon    *Balloon over Steve's head with image of dragon flying*
A dragon I said and not a kraken
A kraken would eat me up in just one bite  *Kraken rises out of the sea, tentacles wrap around Steve & he's lifted into the air, still singing*
Even my socks and shoes and skinny jeans that fit tight 

*Edge of screen is all fuzzy, dreamy & Steve is riding on the back of a flying dragon*

For my birthday
I just want a dragon
Yes, a dragon
And not a kraken
He’d take me flying
Around the globe
I’d have a blast
Just me and my girls *Steve and his wife & kids are now all on the back of an enormous dragon, still flying over beautiful, green landscape*

Verse 2:

Only a dragon for my birthday will do
Yes that’s a dragon for me
Or maybe two  *Steve is standing in between two dragons, petting one with each hand, in a forest somewhere. Photography still looks dreamy*
Above clouds and treetops we would fly *Cut to Steve riding on a dragon again, weaving in & out of clouds, still singing*
As fast as sound can travel
No need to ask why

Verse 3:
My pet dragon
Couldn’t change the weather *Steve is now standing outside his house and we see his snow-covered yard.  Dragon is next to him.  Heavy snow is falling on both of them.*

But my dragon
Could do even better

I would fly straight south *Cut to image of Steve in shorts, barefoot, riding dragon over a tropical paradise*

That much is true
I’d hang out on the sand
With a cold beer or two. *Dragon lands. Steve lounges on beach, drinking beer*

Verse 4:
My dragon would have shiny scales *Cut to Steve and dragon in a huge dragon stable. Steve is polishing the dragon much like you'd shine & polish a car. Dragon is smiling, looking goofy*
I’d groom him every moment that I'm able
My commute would be so more much fun
When I show up on the set *Dragon flies downward with Steve on back. Steve is dressed like a 1940's movie star with the silk scarf, sunglasses, & hat. Dragon lands. A hundred old-fashioned cameras with the big, bright bulbs flash.*
My dragon would be the only one

Verse 5:
For my birthday I just want a dragon
He wouldn’t eat me up like would a kraken *Cut to Steve back at sea, kraken pulling him under water.  He's still singing even though this is technically impossible since, well, you can't sing under water.*
I’d be the talk of the town
I’m telling you
I’d be the hit of the party
Mobile barbecue *Cut to neighborhood block party scene.  Dragon is breathing fire & people are roasting hot dogs & marshmallows & making s'mores*

Verse 6: 
*Party scene continues, but in background.  Now we have a second singer out front, yours truly, only I look like I did at age 18 & I'm wearing a black & green cheerleader uniform*
I’m not a singer
I am a writer
A little crazy
But then you know that
And now I wish you

A happy birthday
Hoping I made you laugh
And that you have a great day!

Get your daily laugh following Steve on Twitter @TheSteveByers and you can also keep up with when he'll be on TV, etc., by following @SteveByersFans (a fan Twitter thing run by yours truly.)

Friday, December 6, 2013

Toronto, Natural Disasters, TV Shows, Aliens & Miscommunication

Had an interesting conversation with my husband last night.

I heard him say, "Rain is shooting on Toronto."

What went through my head?  Well, first, if my husband is talking about the weather in Toronto it must be really, really catastrophic, since we live in the heart of the USA.  Moreover, it's not like we have family or anything up there.  In fact, the only person the word "Toronto" brings to mind is my favorite actor, Steve Byers.  So, unless my husband thought the city would be wiped off the map, he wouldn't bring it up.  (Keep in mind that this conversation happened late in the evening when I was exhausted, so I wasn't at my best.)

Next thing to go through my mind (and all of these thoughts just kind of fly through my brain in a few seconds) was, "Wait, it's too cold for up there. It'd have to be sleet or snow."  But he said, "rain."

After that I'm thinking, rain "shooting?" Really, unless there's been an invasion of aliens with some sort of weather machine that shoots out viscous weaponized rain, that's kind of a strange term to use describing weather.

Finally, I say, "What?"

This, of course, does not help. My husband repeats, "Rain is shooting in Toronto."

Now, I'm really, really confused.

My husband at this point is convinced that I'm either only half-listening to him or maybe I've been replaced by an unintelligent android version of myself.

I say, "I don't understand."

He replies, again, "Rain is shooting in Toronto. Well, the castle is in Ireland so they shoot there some too."

At this point the light bulb came on, "Oh, you mean 'Reign' the TV show." 

He says, "Yes. What else would I mean?"

At this point, I sunk onto the couch, glad the kids were in bed and realizing that I seriously needed to relax.

We'd been talking the day before about where the actual castle in the TV show "Reign" was located, so it was sweet of him to look it up, but when he brought it up out of the blue, well, confusion reigned, pun intended :)